I can make you happy, I can give you everything you dreamed of. You already know that right? I’ve tried to make you understand this again and again; I’ll fall at your feet at a moments notice, but somehow I’m always here in the background, a shadow. No matter your heart, somehow I’m always put to one side. I want you, I need you oh so much, but here I am, still your secret mistress, forever your dirty secret. I shouldn’t be and I dare you to disagree but it’s out of your hands I guess, you can’t be a hero; it’s never so simple. I wish I’d wished for a hero, dreamed a dream – and got what I wanted.
It feels like I’ve been waiting for a thousand years and here we are, so much later, so much older. It makes me so, so angry but I know that’s not really fair (and I’m really sorry for what happened with the car, really I am). I know my place I suppose; I don’t accept it and you know, as time passes, I understand it less and less. Things have to change, things are ready to, the ghosts of the past are crawling on our skin; let’s shake them off.
It’s time for me to step out of the shadows and take my place and be central to your life. If nothing else, let me lay it out for you, how it should be. No dramatics, no emotion (I’ll try), no pressure (no scissors, promise), can I just explain how I see things ‘from the outside’ as rationally as I can, from my perspective? Perhaps you’ll see where I’m coming from and why I have to do what I’m going to (don’t worry, I won’t be telling).
Somebody Like You
It’s odd, really! I see you get all geeky, nerdy and excited about new technology, tools, kit, toys (even real ones) and the fuzzy high-level stuff too. I saw the same as you learned your craft, years ago – a child-like excitement, real enthusiasm. Now? Now it’s just painful to watch. I’ve seen the years and the company wear you down; the things that excite and stimulate you have become tiny (I lied all this time) parts of you; the technology, your achievements and your skills and abilities have become insignificant. Somebody like you, a distant dreamer like you, shouldn’t be stuck in some crevice, satisfying the needs of service management and the fears of the clowns. But, babe, that’s where you are, if only you could see it; you have nothing.
The Other Side
I know, it’s been a long time (and not just for you) but did you ever give it any real thought, an alternative to what you have? Nice to have? Might look good on the CV? Serious option though? I doubt it now, it’s all just been talk “if only” fantasy. You might not think so but I’m telling you, for all your complaints and moaning, no matter how many bad, bad days, failures and issues, no matter the stress, you’ve made your choice (or accepted someone else’s). Somehow you blame yourself a fair deal (I do but not how you think); your knowledge, your skills, your heart, your mind; isn’t this why you didn’t choose something else, something better, me? Better the devil you know, standards matter, all that; you should know better now but still you hang on. You want to play it safe even now; you go ahead but you remember that this isn’t really the safe option you think it is and it has it’s own risks, frustrations and pain. Let’s not consider the money, not our problem at all; it’s not ours right.
Let Her Go
It’s too late to apologise, I just hope you can see what’s clearly happening, eventually. Silence speaks volumes, inaction is a choice (you’ve read I Robot I’m sure). You have to let go, if not for me, for your own sake. You can’t grow, can’t fulfill what you’re capable of and be truly happy without cutting those ties to the present and the past. Leave your cocoon, comfortable as it is. If you can’t that’s fine (not for me) but it would be a shame to see something so bright wane so fast. ‘Managed Decline’ is your final, chosen option; you’ll be a pizza delivery guy sooner than you think (“would you like fries with that”). It’s appalling and I don’t want to see you hurt like that (OK, not now anyway); so much pain and suffering already just to be pushed aside, surely the final insult in a long, losing game. Wake up babe.
Pieces of You
CV Looking good? You’ll be OK if they do the merciful thing (not that you’ll see it that way)? Experience counts right. Years learning the processes and the people – all specific to right there. The same year lived ten times only every time you learned less, every time you shrank. That guy, that girl that got fired that was just useless, your happy about that, good riddance. Sure they aren’t pieces of you, shamed by what you share? Rather than admit the aspects of them that reflect yourself, go ahead and focus on and condemn those that don’t. No wonder you’re scared of change; you are the very instrument that is used to prevent it. You are Tsvangirai!
Over the Rainbow
Where did your dreams go, the daring and the thirst that lead to me? You still have a choice it just doesn’t feel like it I’m sure. Whatever you feel, whatever they tell you, don’t forget you have a choice and the opportunity for something truly new; an entirely new path awaits if you have what it takes to see the right doors, open them and tread a new path. New colours and labels on what you’ve already got and what makes you so unhappy won’t do. Survival or sustenance, why be satisfied with that? What’s wrong with significance? Give up the cave!
You’re the one that got away, or then, perhaps I am. Either way, if you can’t be what I need and what you should be, then it’s goodbye. Perhaps not straight away but drop by drop, be sure it will be the end.
Hope you get it. Spot the song titles (and lyrics)!